Perhaps Play Go Fish?
When I first played Old Maid as a child, I thought the old maid in question was an elderly housekeeper. That’s understandable, though it didn’t make the title of the card game any less offensive. Obviously, I eventually learned, to my future dismay, that the Old Maid is an unmarried woman of advanced years. A pejorative term used for fun. Moreover, I got the message that to end up an old maid was shameful and to be avoided at all costs.
My childhood was laden with excessive and unrealistic messaging about love and marriage. I can’t count the number of different Cinderellas I’ve heard sing, “Some Day My Prince Will Come.” Even today’s television shows like “The Bachelor” and “Love is Blind” continue to show that the dominant cultural warning for women is still the same. Don’t be an old maid.
Getting married isn’t just the expectation, it’s somehow become an unseen, yet imposing, yardstick to measure the viability and worth of a woman. It’s an unspoken judgment that says if you’re caught being the old maid, you lose. Not just in cards, but in the game of life.
After all, there’s an entire industry about a woman’s “one special day” to walk down the aisle. But, couldn’t her happily-ever-after be earning a master’s degree? Running a business? Retiring early? Or paying off her mortgage?
A moment for a station break please. I have nothing against marriage. In fact, I love it. I’m married to someone I’d marry again. What I am against is the marginalization of any woman - be it for any reason. Besides, isn’t one’s relationship status nobody else’s concern or right to judge?
Of course, I didn’t always think this way. I too was indoctrinated, unknowingly waiting to be married because, unconsciously, wedlock was presumed. It’s probably why I got it wrong the first time. That and all the hardscrabble years sitting on an unyielding pew absorbing a limited view of matrimony, especially one that has to fulfill its procreative purpose “until death do us part.”
Admittedly, I also used to believe that everybody should have children. Okay, I had to get off the floor after even typing that. How ridiculous! What can I say? I was young, immature and too busy playing Milton Bradley’s Mystery Date.
All of this brings me to the word spinster and how it’s used to describe an older unmarried woman. One of its synonyms is old maid. But is she?
From the late 14th century, spinster originally meant “a woman who spins, female spinner of thread.” By 1719, it was being used to describe a single woman regarded as too old for marriage.
It’s great that we live during a time where calling women spinsters is understood to be both dated and derogatory. And that’s not counting the additional aspersions the word spinster has accumulated over the years: unmarriable, prudish, unattractive and undesirable. Just sit with that a moment while contemplating that their male counterparts are called bachelors. A word that implies eligibility, bon vivant vibes and desirability.
What if we go further and don’t cast aside the word spinster and instead hold it with respect to how it was first used? “A woman who spins.” A crafter, an entrepreneur, a contributor. Likewise, let’s once and for all agree that a woman's value is not defined by her marital status. At any age.
Now, as far as Old Maid, it can be a fun game. One which can be called whatever you like and played with any regular card deck.
Meanwhile, I’m sorry to say Old Maid cards with representations of elderly women are still being produced, sold and purchased with the same name. Online reviews assure the stigma will continue: “My grandsons love this game.” “It was easy to play with my daughters.” “We play it with our five-year-old and the younger kids love to watch and learn.” I’m sure they do. But what exactly are they learning?
IN MUSING by Carole Vasta Folley
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