The High Anxiety Society

I’d like to have less anxiety. Well, that and a trip to the moon. Wait a minute. Who am I kidding? There is no way I’d go to the moon. Do you know how anxious that would make me?

It takes an inordinate amount of time to worry. Doesn’t matter whether it’s feeling anxious about small things like the longevity of front teeth or catastrophic things like a six-miles-in-diameter asteroid hitting the earth again. Granted that happened 65 million years ago, but still, it’s on my mind.

Even if I had oodles of time for anxiety, don’t forget the secondary job that comes with it. All the tasks one should practice to lower their stress levels like diaphragmatic breathing, calming imagery and muscle relaxation. Doesn’t anxiety know that I’m already busy spinning multiple plates of responsibility? Now I’m supposed to add self-help to the list? What happened to just regular help?

I’m not against DIY betterment. Believe me, I’m a self-help worrier - I mean warrior. I’ve tried it all. At first, mediating went really well. I was best buds with Deepak Chopra until I learned he spends four hours meditating. Each day! Plus, he does yoga morning and night, takes10,000-steps daily and, wait for it, has written more than 95 books. I know self-help isn’t a competitive sport, but really Deepak, can you dial it back a notch?

Keeping a gratitude journal is often recommended to people with anxiety. Unfortunately, turns out you don’t just keep the journal, you have to write in it. I actually did this. Truth is, I have much to be grateful for - from the air I breathe to the food on my plate. And that’s not even including the abundance of love from family and friends. My gratitude lists are fantastic! I got so good at being grateful, I appreciated the hair growing out of my husband’s ear. I know, it’s not a competition, but take that Deepak! 

But here’s the thing, I’d write in that blasted gratitude journal every night and still felt anxious the next day. It did not lower my stress level. It just gave me another job to do.

That’s the thing about self-help, it’s just another way to feel bad about the things we’re not doing that we should be doing because we’re so busy doing all the other things we also should be doing.

My apologies if my logic is difficult to follow. If perhaps your body doesn’t know the feeling of anxiety, check your pulse. After all, OSHA reports 83% of employees have work-related stress. The American Psychological Association (APA) says more than three quarters of adults report symptoms of stress. And that was in 2022! Last year, the APA reported 77% of adults worry about the future of our nation and 73% the economy. Listen, no one I know is stress-free. Hang on, do I need new friends?

I will not list reasons for feeling anxious - just watch the news. But be careful about the commercials. They use anxiety to get us to buy stuff like security blankets, meditation apps, a blanket that puts out fires, wi-fi security cameras, weighted blankets. I notice blankets are a big deal, which makes me worry I do not have enough of them.  

For me, an evening glass of wine soothes my brow and lowers my shoulders. Somehow it makes room for clearer thinking along with taking the time to just “be” outside of all the “to-dos”. But then the Surgeon General comes in with an advisory saying alcohol raises the risk of cancer. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about! Previously, moderate drinking was okay. We were even told it could be good for you. At my age, that’s like moving the finish line while I’m pouring my Cabernet. 

To help us, author and sociologist Martha Beck wrote a book titled, “Beyond Anxiety,” noting, “We live in an epidemic of anxiety.” So why then did she subtitle her book, “Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life's Purpose.” Gee, Martha, thanks for raising the stakes. Now I have to find my purpose AND get rid of my fear, dread and uneasiness.

What I really need is a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser for anxiety. Something that would lift away built-up worries, remove fretfulness from nooks and crannies, you know, just clean stubborn stress away. It doesn’t even have to do a perfect job. I’m okay with a stain of worry. I can tolerate that. I’m just looking for a little less anxiety.