Things I Forget

Almost everything at one time or another.

Birthdays - Thank goodness our phones can remind us of birthdays. Except mine has a tendency to do so on the wrong date. This explains these return text messages: “Thanks for your happy birthday with balloon effect, but it’s not my birthday, doofus.” (Last word implied.)

Change my mind - I forget I have the right to do so. Maybe because women are ridiculed for changing their mind. As if questioning and flexibility, let alone learning from experience, is a bad thing.

Dusting - Sure, I forget to dust. Look at it this way, dust comes back, but the time doing it doesn’t. 

Esther - My iPhone. I always forget where I left it. So I bought an Apple Watch that can find my phone. Well, not exactly. It pings my phone to ring. However, I also forgot I’m deaf in one ear, so instead of searching for my phone, I search aimlessly for a sound.

Friends - I’ll never forget my friends. But, in the busyness of life, I do forget to make time to spend together. Feel free to call me a doofus.

Gaffer tape - Every single time I do a show, I forget to buy my all-time favorite tape. It’s everything you’d want in a secure relationship: strong without leaving sticky residue.

Hacks - Clever shortcuts touted on Instagram, like how to slice strawberries with a straw or transform your muumuu into a mini-dress. These seem brilliant at the time, until I totally forget them the next time I’m wearing a muumuu while slicing strawberries. 

Idioms - A word uncomfortably close to idiot. I forget common idioms. Is it the “kettle calling the pot” or the other way around? And whose court is the ball in anyways? What about cats? Do they have my tongue or yours? And how’s the cat let out of the bag when curiosity killed it? 

Jeggings - May this progeny of skinny jeans forever stay in the forgotten realm - along with all women’s clothes without pockets.

Knowledge - What I used to know I no longer know. Do I need to know why? Who knows? For all I know “what you don't know can't hurt you.”

Listening - It’s the conduit for connection. When I remember to listen, it powers up my heart.

Mom - I wish there was more to remember. 

Nancy - She’s my neighbor. We shared a wall, wine on the porch, and comfort in knowing the other was there. I prefer to forget she died last month. Unexpectedly. So I pretend she’s still next door because life is fundamentally less without her. 

Old - How can I forget my age? After all, my mirror reminds me every day. And yet, I feel molecularly in the nascence of my adult life. Excited about what’s next. My projects and ambitions only multiply. Sure, so too my doctor appointments, but doesn’t being “over the hill” only mean there’s another to venture?

Pictures - I forget to take them. These days, did anything actually happen if it’s not photographed and stored on the cloud? 

Quiet - I’ve forgotten what it sounds like. As a writer, there’s countless competing voices in my head - lobbing ideas, critiquing my work and advising me to ignore my laptop to fold laundry while I eat chips.

Rocket - My dog’s impossible to overlook, but I can forget she’s dying of cancer. Her seemingly healthy-self romps cluelessly by plain-as-day rabbits. A joy I do not take for granted.

Self-care - Like most women, I’m pretty good at the second half of this compound word. The self part is easy to forget.

Tolerance - I used to have it by the gallon. Now, tolerance is intolerable in regards to any ideology that supports any form of oppression.

Underwear - Settle down, I don’t forget to wear them! It’s that every morning I forget how uncomfortable they are by day’s end. Surely, even Adam and Eve would agree. Those fig leaves probably didn’t feel any better. Although I learned fig leaves make great tea. But who’d want a cup brewed with underwear!

Vagus nerve - I forget I have this amazing part of my parasympathetic nervous system. A superhighway to my brain that helps control digestion, heart rate and mood. It also regulates my immune system! Remembering this heals my life and soothes inner storms. What else could I want? Except to be more mindful.

Where - I forget where I put things. Especially if I took extra time to put that thing somewhere special so I’d never forget where I put it. Then it’s guaranteed, I’ll never find it. 

Xanadu - I love forgetting this song, even though it’s hard to do once you watch it on YouTube. Just try to forget the spandex, roller-skates and it’s so-bad-it’s-good choreography.

Yearbook - I can’t remember where mine is. This is a good thing. No one needs to see a picture of me wearing a turtleneck while hugging a tree.

Zzzzz - I forget what it feels like to get a good night’s sleep. Yes, rest improves cognitive thinking and decision making. This explains my lack of both at 3 a.m. when I reevaluate all life decisions followed by reading an entire novel. It’s also why I made this list. Sleep deprivation leads to forgetfulness.